A penny for your thought

I decided to eat outside the house today and I chose one of the king's restaurant. This was a very hard decision for me but I wanted to give myself a treat for being strong after two long weeks of bed rest.

My dad would be pissed if he saw me at a restaurant, not because he hates it but because he feels I'm lazy and eating out would make me worse than lazy. Lol, this would be his words "no... You can make those at home. You can even make them more healthier and delicious than them. Do it for me B... Let it be your therapy" what a nice therapy lol. 

I stayed on the line, placed my order and went ahead to pick a drink of my choice from the fridge. With my food, I picked a seat very close to the window. I brought a book along so I don't stair at people when I eat. 

I ate slowly as I read my book, across my table I saw a man eating. He wasn't just eating, he was in pain. I took my eyes off my book to take a good look at him, he raised his head at that instance and smiled. 

That was a good thing right? I smiled back but it didn't feel right within me. I went back to my reading and eating but with a divided attention. I think he noticed that I was watching him and so he would smile anytime our eyes met but when he wasn't looking, he was very sad, I know because the smile left immediately he took his eyes back to his table. He finished eating and left. 

What was he thinking, I thought. What kind of pain was he feeling that he would let the world know how beautiful he is outside but how ugly it was for him on the inside. I felt sad for him and for myself and then for everyone. 

A penny for your thought? 

What would it take to know what your thinking right now? 

What would it take to make you smile inside and outside? 

Would you tell me why your in pain? But even if I know what would I do to help?

Who Am I?

As he was walking to the bookstore he stopped to sit in the empty chair along the hallway and He thought to himself: 

I don't feel comfy or outspoken among my seniors, I don't feel ok with my age mates (I have superiority complex), with those younger than me I feel I don't have to associate with them because they are nosy.

Who am I?

I try so much to fit in when I'm meant to stand out" at least that's what the motivational speakers tell us, but how easy is it to stand out?

I look at those who said they stood out and made it. That's not true, they are forgetting one thing "they never did" they never did stood out they had all the attention and help they needed.

I have come to realize why those young teenagers commit suicide, we tell them to stand out and we leave them alone. They think, they wish, they talk but no one listened, they walked alone, they have people they talk to but no one to call their friends.

You want me to stand out but you stay away from me, you call me names when I walk by, you don't want to be my friend, bf/gf, you don't want to hold my hand, somehow you are ashamed of me and you want me to stand out, be whom you want to be and make a difference?

WHO AM I?